Life is feeling so repetitive lately. Sleep. Class. Lunch. Work. Dinner. Homework. TV. Sleep. Repeat. I want school to start so badly. Then I'll have a little variety. And people here, people I can talk to and laugh with. I'll have my internship, my classes, the French club, new friends (hopefully), and more things to look forward to. I feel like as I sit here, doing nothing, everything is going by me. What that is, I don't know. I just want to graduate and move. MOVE. I'm stuck here and I want to leave. For some reason I think leaving will solve my problems, solve my loneliness even though I'll be away from everyone I know. Even though I'll be about 3000 miles away from everyone I call family or friends, I'll be starting something new and that makes me happy. It makes me feel like I'll be doing something...anything. For some reason I think that in Boston, I'll meet people that I'll be able to connect with. Like it will solve everything.
I want to travel more than anything. I was talking to my friend who lives in Scotland and she was telling me how she's going to London for the weekend and she started asking me where I want to go when I come visit her next summer. I love that. I love that she's expecting me in Europe next summer, it makes it seem more real. I said how we'll have to have a girl's weekend in Paris and she said "duh". It makes me feel happy, that this time next summer I may be in Paris or Glasgow or London. I will be. It's time for me to stop making excuses like I don't have enough money; maybe I don't have enough money and I'll be broke when I come back but I'm starting to think it'd be worth it. Totally worth it.
I know I wrote about this before, but jeez I hate being lonely. I hate depending on others for my happiness. I wanna be happy with myself. And I think I have to be before I can be happy with anyone else. And that's hard to deal with.
I want to go back to this: